Heart Beats: The Path to Marriage

Heartbeats 3

The Path to Marriage

Message by Marty Ocaya

Written by Aggy Apolinario

There’s something about weddings that give us the chills. Is it the bride? The groom? The reception? The guests?

Or is it the idea that the two people being wedded is a step closer to spending the rest of their lives together?

Yeah, probably that.

All of us has that desire for marriage. Some probably even daydream about their future husbands or wives. It’s something that’s very common for us to think of.

Having someone by your side through thick or thin, through richer or poorer? Isn’t that just ideal?

We want to get married. (Yes, we really do.) And although many do, only few come prepared.

In marriage, it is not like taking a bus ride home where you can just step inside and enjoy the ride. It takes the right person, the right time, and the right way.

Our hearts are deceitful. It can cause us to make decisions that would do us no good which is why we should not trust it or put it as the basis for our choices.

The heart is deceitful above all thingsand beyond cure.Who can understand it?

Jeremiah 17:9

Marriage isn’t something that happens in a snap. Nor should it even happen that way. That’s why we should come prepared. We shouldn’t let our hearts deceive us. Let’s put our trust on God instead and take His path.

Are you in the right path?

Let’s first ask yourself these five questions to know if you are.

1. Why do you want to be in a relationship?

Some people often enter a relationship for the wrong reasons. It may be because of their insecurities, facebook status, or sex. But relationships aren’t about all those things. It’s about something WAY more than those.

Because in a relationship, you invest feelings. That’s why it’s important to know why you even want to be in that relationship because when the reason’s not right, you’ll just end up hurting yourself and your partner. It cannot be because you just wanted to be labeled as someone in a relationship or because you didn’t want to be left behind by your friends who aren’t single.

Relationship isn’t a game where you can easily say game over. It’s not something that you start or end when you feel like it.

Remember, any relationship without direction usually leads to heartbreak. And who would want to end up hurting? No one, right?

2. Am I ready?

Are you ready mentally?

Are you finished with your studies?

Being in a relationship and being a student doesn’t always coincide with each other. It’s difficult to have these two at the same time because relationships aren’t always about the flowers, teddy bears, and the chocolates. There will always come a time when you and your partner will have misunderstandings. And these can be distractions to your studies which is why you should learn how to prioritize. A relationship cannot be right if it’s already becoming a distraction because it should be a support, not a hindrance.

Are you ready emotionally?

Are you ready to leave your family and start a new one?

Relationships are commitments. You should be sure that when you enter one, you’re already prepared to what it has in store for you. It includes starting a new life with your partner.

Leaving your family doesn’t mean that you erase them from your life entirely. No, of course not. It just means that when you enter a relationship, you somehow let go of your family to give way to the one you’re starting, with your partner.

You should know that you are no longer just a daughter to your parents, or a sibling to your brothers and sisters, but a partner to your partner.

Are you ready financially?

Do you have enough savings? Do you earn enough?

When you enter a relationship, you’re no longer an I but a We. You must know the responsibilities you have. Starting a family follows on when you’re in a relationship, and it is just right that you are capable enough to provide for your family. It’s such a big responsibility, isn’t it? This is the reason why you should be prepared.

Are you ready spiritually?

Are you complete as a single person in the Lord?

If you’re trying to enter a relationship because you think that person would complete you, then you’re going to be disappointed because people are imperfect. They’re not capable enough to fill the missing hole in your life. You don’t need any person to do that for you because God is there for that. He is the ONLY one who can complete you.

When you enter a relationship, you have to be sure that you, yourself, are complete because God didn’t mean for two people to be together to fill each other’s lives. But instead, He wanted these two people to complete their own lives in Him individually, and be together. He didn’t want two incomplete hearts to combine and make one whole heart. He wanted two whole hearts to join and become one.

3. How do I know if he or she is the one?

Do you feel attracted to the person? Do you have that “kilig feeling” when you’re with him or her? You often feel all giddy and lovey dovey. Some even say that they feel butterflies in their stomachs. Well, all these are just normal when you like someone.

The attraction or the connection may be there, but that’s not enough.

You should also know the person better.

We have Titus 3:1-9 for guidance in helping us picture a Godly man, and 1 Timothy 3:11 and Proverbs 31 for a Godly woman.

Getting to know the person is very important especially if he or she will be your future partners. You should know their qualities, their relationships with their families and friends, their views and beliefs because these things will show you whether this person is really the right one for you.

You should know his or her direction in life because this person may be the one you’ll be spending the rest of your life with. There should be acceptance and support between the both of you.

There will always be people who will try to interfere with your relationship. It’s inevitable. In a way, their opinions are important because this will let you know how other people see your partner. You should ask for their advices and see whether you are making a right decision in entering the relationship.

You should also get your parents involved. They have experienced things you haven’t which is why they have more or less the knowledge of what awaits you when you enter a relationship. This way, they’ll be able to help you make the right decision. Trust you parents’ opinion and their parental instincts because they, like God, would want only what’s best for you.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3

4. Are making a decision because you know and believe it’s right, or because you want it to be right?

When you enter a relationship, you should ask yourself “why am I making this decision?”.

We often misinterpret our feelings as a sign to determine whether or not our relationships are right. We think that since we like the person, and that all the feelings are already there, it’s a good justification that it is just right to enter the relationship. But you see, emotions are meant to be evaluated. Just because you feel it’s right, doesn’t mean that it is.

Some may even argue that it’s because they’re afraid that if they don’t take action immediately, the person they like might get snatched away by someone else.

Well, if he or she really is God’s best for you, you must believe and have faith that even if you’re against a million people, that person would still end up with you.

5. Do I see God’s hand guiding me in this relationship?

This is the last and the most important question that you should ask yourself.

When things don’t go the way they’re supposed to be, we often think that we can make it work ourselves. We think that we don’t need God. But you see, we are lost without Him. He must be the one whom we call for help because even before we say it, He already knows.

He knows what is best for us. He would NEVER want us to make decisions that would do us no good. This is the reason why we should put our trust in Him and ask for His guidance. When we let Him interfere, we could be rest assured that nothing can possibly go wrong.

“I the Lord search the heartand examine the mind,to reward each person according to their conduct,according to what their deeds deserve.”

Jeremiah 17:10

God’s guidance is all we need to know what is right for us. He is the only one whom we can fully depend on.

A relationship isn’t something that we must rush. It takes the right timing, the right heart, and the right path. God wants us to have nothing but the best. All we have to do is listen to what He has to say, to become aware whether this is what pleases Him, and to follow the path He has for us. Because when we do these, there would be no worries or doubts in our minds, but instead, there’ll be security and assurance.